Part 1 - TW: Emotional Incest | New Year 23/24 - 10 Years Ago, I Broke Up With My Mother
Part 1 - TW: Emotional Incest | New Year 23/24 - 10 Years Ago, I Broke Up With My Mother
Deets On Emotional Incest
Trigger Warning:
New Year 23/24 - 10 Years Ago, I Broke Up With My Mother.
Part 1 - Emotional Incest Introduction and Disclaimer
Part 1 - Emotional Incest Introduction and Disclaimer
A decade ago, at the end of 2013, I severed ties with my mother.
Her role was to nurture her children, yet many of us didn't grow up in that nurturing environment.
Our voices and individuality were taken from us before we could even grasp them.
Too many of us were victims—victims of emotional incest (EI).
As children, we were treated like partners, confidants, molded to fit a role we didn't choose.
We were shaped and manipulated, carrying undeserved shame for too many years.
What is Emotional Incest (EI)?
Emotional incest, also known as covert incest or enmeshment, is a complex and deeply impactful relational dynamic that often goes unnoticed due to its subtle and psychological nature. In the realm of psychology, this concept surfaced to characterize a breach of boundaries wherein a parent, often the parent of the opposite sex, seeks emotional support, validation, or companionship from their child in manners typically designated for adult relationships. The parent may use the child to fulfill their emotional needs, confiding in them about adult issues, relying on them for companionship, and blurring the lines between parental and partner-like roles.
Understanding the history and evolution of the terminology surrounding emotional incest helps shed light on the recognition and study of this phenomenon. The concept originated in the 1980s, gaining prominence through the work of psychologists and therapists, particularly in family systems theory and the exploration of dysfunctional family dynamics. While it isn't officially recognized as a clinical diagnosis in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it remains a crucial area of study in understanding the complexities of family relationships and their impact on individuals' psychological well-being.
This pattern of emotional over-involvement and boundary crossing can have profound effects on the child's emotional development and sense of self. The child often feels pressured to meet the emotional needs of the parent, sacrificing their own emotional growth and autonomy. This can lead to a range of emotional and psychological challenges, such as difficulties in forming healthy relationships, low self-esteem, identity confusion, anxiety, depression, and challenges in setting appropriate boundaries.
In seeking therapy, it's crucial for individuals to find a qualified and experienced therapist with whom they feel comfortable. Therapeutic progress often depends on the individual's readiness, the quality of the therapeutic relationship, and the compatibility of the chosen approach with their needs and goals.
Therapies for individuals who have experienced emotional incest primarily focus on addressing the complex emotional, relational, and psychological impacts of this experience. While there's no specific therapy exclusively designed for emotional incest, several therapeutic approaches have shown promise in supporting individuals in their healing journey:
Trauma-focused therapies: Modalities like Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are effective in addressing trauma stemming from emotional incest. They help process distressing memories, reduce emotional reactivity, and promote healing.
Attachment-based therapies: Given that emotional incest often disrupts healthy attachment patterns, therapies like Attachment-Based Family Therapy (ABFT) or Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) focus on repairing attachment wounds, building secure connections, and fostering healthier relationships.
Psychodynamic therapy: This type of therapy delves into unconscious thoughts and behaviors influenced by past experiences. It helps individuals explore unresolved issues, understand the impact of emotional incest on their sense of self, and work through underlying emotional conflicts.
Mindfulness-based therapies: Practices like mindfulness meditation or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can aid in managing distressing emotions, promoting self-compassion, and developing healthier coping mechanisms.
Seeking treatment from educated and licensed mental health professionals offers specialized expertise and evidence-based approaches crucial for addressing the complex and sensitive effects of emotional incest. These professionals, equipped with years of training and experience, utilize validated therapeutic techniques tailored to individual needs. Their expertise ensures a safe and supportive environment where individuals can explore their experiences, process trauma, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Religion and unproven therapeutic methods may lack the specialized knowledge and empirical foundation required to navigate the intricate psychological and relational aspects of emotional incest. While spiritual support or faith-based practices can offer comfort, mental health professionals offer a comprehensive range of tools and therapies proven effective in fostering healing, promoting resilience, and empowering individuals to reclaim agency over their well-being, providing a holistic approach rooted in both science and compassion.
Please note that I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information provided here is derived from research, general knowledge, and personal experiences. While I aim to offer helpful insights and guidance, my responses are not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you require medical, mental health, or therapeutic assistance, I strongly encourage seeking guidance from qualified professionals who can provide personalized support tailored to your specific needs and circumstances.
